You Relentlessly Pursue Monetization Opportunities
It may sound crass, but the most useful thing you can prove on your resume is your zeal to increase profits. If you've played any Mario games, this skill should be well honed by now.
You're Comfortable Wearing Several Hats at Once
In today's rapidly shifting business environment, candidates who can perform a variety of tasks will excel. Your new employer wants someone who can multitask and engage in multiple projects simultaneously. (Image via sexgamesandrocknroll)
You Are Proficient at Typing
Mavis Beacon's got nothing on this Italian wordsmith who pounds out sentences even faster than he does goombas. If you can clock at least a solid 70+ WPM, you'll leave the competition in the dust.
You're Excellent at Spotting Potential Red Flags
The last thing a boss wants to hear is why a problem everyone knew about never got fixed. After decades of flag pole sitting, both you and Mario know a red flag on the horizon when you see one, and you know just how to tackle them.
You Launched A New Line With Exponential Profits
The sound of cascades of numbers rapidly increasing is music to any start-up's ears. You've kicked enough koopa shells to get callouses on your thumbs. That's something to brag about.
You've Got Expertise in Long-Tail Distribution
The marketplace has transformed. Instead of focusing on huge hits at the head of the demand curve, companies are making more money by giving their attention to smaller niches in the tail. You've handily trounced Bowser the exact same way.
You've Demonstrated Sound Risk Management
Whether you're jumping over lava pits or wisely ducking inbound projectiles from powerful magikoopas, your portfolio proves you know exactly how to take risks and when to avoid them. (Image via 1JPS)
You Judiciously Let Go of Unproductive Staff
Look. No one likes to fire anyone. But you consider downsizing a way to reward the best members of your team, instead of a way to punish the ones who don't carry their weight. Both you and Mario know how to make the tough calls.
You Swam Upstream in a Challenging Economy
It's been about seven years since the great financial crash of 2008, and times have been hard on everyone. But with your handy frog suit, you've swum upstream and managed to stay afloat in the middle of trying circumstances.
You Protected Key Resources from Hostile Takeover
Loyalty is hard to come by. But you've got a consistent record of protecting key assets from outside forces. While phantoms lurk at the door, you've held your own. (Image via nathanthemoldy)
You Unearthed Hidden Revenue Streams
Never satisfied with the well-trodden path, you've dug deep to discover new avenues for your enterprise to grow. Any headhunter would kill to snatch you up. (Image via Brother Brain)
You Provide a Solid Foundation for Teamwork
While a resume is your moment to shine, it's always useful to highlight how well you cooperate with others. You can't spell teamwork without "work," and you've certainly put in more than your share with 4 player co-op.
You Stand Firm in the Face of Adversity
It's an unfortunate fact that the marketplace is often hostile, and the weak of spirit don't last very long. You know how to remain calm and levelheaded when the odds are stacked against you. (Image via 1JPS)
You've Negotiated Several Golden Parachutes
While golden parachutes have recently come under fire as corporations review their governance policies, there's no denying you've managed to secure dozens of them in the past. Your negotiating position is strong.
You've Got Fire in Your Belly
Ask any hiring manager and they'll tell you the number one quality they look for in an employee is passion. You and Mario have over 30 years of combined experience setting a fire under everyone's feet while avoiding burnout. (Image via SSB88)
16. You Are Results Driven With a Proven Track Record
Your princess may be in a different castle, but you don't stop until you reach your goal. You undertake and complete gargantuan tasks every year. Your determination always gets results. Now your resume will too.
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